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What women really want - Did YOU make the short list? Part I
By Lakeitha Anderson, Relationship Columnist
July 9, 2010
Okay, this is real talk fellas. Your list of wants, desires and needs are never lacking. On every blog, column, magazine cover, Sunday morning pulpit, barbershop conversations, the list is laid out and made plain as to what MEN WANT and what women need to do to get you. Well, we have a list too, but I think because the majority of relationship topics are read by women, you get the short end of the stick and are left wondering what we really want. I know, I know, you have been dying to hear from a real woman on what you need to do to make the short list. Well, your prayers have been answered!! Grab a pen and pad and do take notes! And to my sisters, if you didn’t have a clue on how your list should look, this is for you too!!
Now, a short list is defined as a list of applicants winnowed from a longer list who have been deemed suitable and from which the successful person will be chosen. Got that?? Make no mistake my dear brothers, as quiet as it’s kept, we do have options and you are probably ONE of them. So, let’s began.
1) A godly man who has a strong and solid spiritual relationship that is DEMONSTRATED through his character, actions and lifestyle. See, the bottom line is this, if you love God and are in real relationship with Him, we don’t worry about the other things because we know your character, actions and lifestyle will line up accordingly. We expect you to be faithful, trustworthy and cherish us as the gifts we are. So, men, find God and you will find a real woman. You don’t have to be a deacon, elder or quote Genesis to Revelation, but a demonstrated moral compass will at least get you a strong running in top 3.
2) A man of integrity who values his word and will not compromise it for personal gain or at the expense of hurting others. Brothers, its simple, be impeccable with your word. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You complain about a woman nagging or not trusting you, but when was the last time you kept your word? See, when a woman can hang on your every word, with confidence, we have NO problem allowing you to lead us into the deep. If the truth be revealed, real women are sick of leading. We are on standby for a man of integrity to take control of the wheel. If you can speak to my spirit and I can trust your word, it moves you to the top of the list baby.
3) A man of characters whose core relationships are strategic and built on values and mutual accountability. Ok, this is a major complaint of men...”she don’t like my boys” or “she get’s mad when I hang out with the boys”. Let me help you out a little. If your “boys” are cheating, womanizing, trash talking, substance abusing, lying, always in the club, and the list goes on, then what do you expect? I mean really, if my closest friends were gold-digging, pole swinging, man bashing, bitter women, you would question who I am. Birds of a feather flock fly and hang out together. So, your closest friends should mirror your core values and are willing to hold you accountable on your journey, not cover up, encourage, or excuse ungodly behavior.
4) A man who lives his life by design and not default. He plans strategically and does the work to reach his goals.Brothers, there is nothing sexier than a man with a plan and the invincible determination to execute it. Again, it allows us to be vulnerable knowing that we can trust you to lead us SOMEWHERE! Even if it’s around the corner and down the street, you consulted Google Maps, outlined the route and you know how to get us from point A to point B. See, men think women, particularly black women, don’t want to be lead because we are “independent’, ambitious and go-getters. Well, if you are going to use that excuse, then please acknowledge the affects of slavery on our generation. Please acknowledge that for the most part, women are independent by default. We had no choice but to plan, set goals and get it done. My beloved Kings, we are ready for you to step into your godly role. But you have to live your life on purpose and know clearly where you are going and how you will get US there.
Now, I hope you were able to gain a better understanding of what we really want and what you can do to make our list. At the end of the day, relationships occur between two people and it’s never what only ONE can do the get the other. It will always be a two-sided coin. Not to mention, the better the man, the better the woman. Men, we are a reflection of you. You are the thermometer in our relationships. So, please stay tuned for the last 3 items on a real woman’s list. You aren’t the only ones who want a “five-star” mate.
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